A new me

I realize that my one follower that would keep up with my blog has probably decided that I had forgotten about it but here I am. Back and better than ever! Oddly enough I have to write everyday now for work. I have an amazing new job and writing is a big part of it. I am producing a radio show, a syndicated radio show. I didn't think I could see myself getting back into radio but I realize that was not looking at the big picture. I guess I should backtrack here. At the end of June I had a mini breakdown and realized that while I had not had much direction in my life I suddenly became burdened with the fact that I was mere days away from turning 30 and not only hating my job but the reality that I had been completely taken advantage of for 5 years washed over me like a wave, completely taking my breath away. I cried and sulked and then got angry and then unbelievably motivated. All of those emotions in a matter of about an hour. I had felt similar to this before but never as strong and never as sure. I had a renewed sense of confidence I had also somehow lost along the way. My 30th birthday came along and while I didn't plan the big hoopla I had an amazing birthday week! I realized that there were a handful of super amazing strong people in my life and a sense of gratitude surpassed any hesitation about moving forward. I felt the old Midge stirring inside me like a chick ready to crack it's way out of the egg. As if I just knew that things were going to be okay. I went back home shortly after my birthday and my family threw a surprise party for me and it made me feel so loved. That was followed by a week with my family and while that can be bumpy I came at it with such different perspective that it was just solidifying my feelings of change and progress. On my last day back home I got a message from a dear friend that he had a job for me. What!?!?!?!? A job? The one thing I had been yearning for-was it for real? I tried not to get too excited but something in me said "this is it". It was a job to produce a radio show, a national radio show. Big deal stuff. I of course had those mini moments of OMG can I do this? But those were quickly followed with "even if you can't right now you will figure it out!" I went through interview after interview and then the call came-the offer was made and gladly accepted. At that moment I realized that I would have taken the job even if it had paid half of what I had been making! It was not about the money, for the first time in years it was about me,about what I wanted, about what sparked the fire in me. I felt alive and my god what an amazing feeling that is. I just completed my first week and I don't feel like I am at work. I'm sure that it won't all be wine and roses but boy I'll settle for tulips and Pellegrino! Looking forward to week 2 and promise to keep writing!

Committed

I have noticed that people here in L.A. are very committed to their "things". When you see joggers they are in full marathon gear, with those funny water bottle fanny pack things and everything. Same thing with people on their bicycles. They have those funny bike shoes with the full on spandex bike gear. Of course they are wearing a helmet and fingerless gloves, probably the Lance Armstrong ones. I assume he has his own line of bike gear, maybe?

I used to be a professional dancer and I had an entire bag full of dance shoes. Not just a few but several pairs of each kind-ballet, jazz, tap, pointe- and tons of leg warming-body warming articles of clothing, and of course mega size containers of Tiger Balm. No dance bag was complete without Tiger Balm and plenty of Ace bandages and wraps. They made special bags for those shoes, bandages, balms, and clothes but none of them came with odor control mechanisms in them-that would be a great invention for any sports/dance bag. You would have to replace your bag frequently for it would smell like nasty dirty feet after a few months. For some reason dancers don't mind that smell-maybe because we all smelled funky most of the time.

Since my tenure as a dancer I have not been committed to anything in the same way. I have some workout clothes and a single pair of Nike's that I have had for about 6 years now. I work out on occasion and when I do I usually throw on whatever is comfy and hit the pavement for a run or pop in my 'at home pilates' dvd and get all bendy. I just wish I could be one of those people that has a standing date with their Yoga class who carry their Yoga mat with them everywhere. Or someone who gets amp'd up by spending the day at Color Me Mine making a bowl. I get excited about work and making cupcakes for my son's classroom for his birthday celebration.

I am still seeking something that will make me go "OMG, I am so committed to this" or "Wow, I am invigorated by this and I can't wait to do it again" I am sure that will happen one of these days. Until then I will enjoy the simple joys I have in my life and keep moving forward!

One moment

Do you ever stop to think about the fact that one moment can change your entire life. In one moment something amazing or horrifying can happen to you to change your life and possibly the lives of those around you. In one moment you can get hit by a bus and die or be paralyzed forever. In one moment you can win the lottery and never ever have to worry about money again. In one moment you can meet someone who will forever change the course of your life. In one moment your child is born and you know what love truly feels like. In one moment we will watch someone we love take their last breath. In one moment you will get a new job or loose an old one. In one moment you had your first kiss, and in one moment you will have your last first kiss. In one moment we watch the children in our lives grow to be adults. Each milestone in our lives is marked by a single moment. I vow to treasure each moment for who knows when it will be a momentous one.

My morning

Not that today was any different from most of my mornings but for some reason today I thought to blog about it. I signed up for mobile blogging but still have not figured out how to do it. Maybe that is better because then I would be blogging on my way to and from work and since I live in Los Angeles that means in the car-no bueno. So here I am at lunch time blogging about my morning/mornings.

My morning usually starts between 3:30 and 4am. This is ever since my son decided to come into bed with me and cuddle around that time. I really wish that I could let him stay in bed with me but I just cannot. He takes over my whole pillow and he is so hot to sleep next to. Being in between him and my husband is like being the cheddar on a grilled cheese sandwich-I am not ready to be melty at 4am. So I usually let him stay for 5 minutes and then carry him back to bed, tuck him in, and look at him adoringly as I just love him so much. I then typically have to pee. In my still half a sleep haze I shuffle back to bed and pass out until around 6 when my trusty BlackBerry alarm blazes next to me. I then snooze for as long as I can until I get yet another visit from Dom. This time it is usually asking me to put on his cartoons and/or make him some cereal. My God I cannot wait for the day he can do this for himself-is that asking too much? Sometimes I poke my husband to attempt this feat but it doesn't usually end well so I just do it. Follow that with the normal getting ready process, make lunches for everyone, fight with Dom to get dressed, brush his teeth, and get out the door for school/work. Drop Dom off at school and then hit up the coffee shop.

The coffee shop is always an amazement to me. The whole process of fixing ones coffee can be so annoying to me and I don't know why! Part of it is because I wonder why it takes people so long to put in some cream and sugar. It is almost as if this is the first time they are ever making a cup of coffee. It also bugs me when people dump the coffee in the garbage can-STOP DOING THAT! Seriously just ask the barista to "leave room for cream" it is not hard! It also bugs me that people will spill the cream or sugar and just leave it. WTF, clean up after yourself. After many a day of getting upset with the locals at the coffee shop I have learned I just have to go in, get my coffee, add my Splenda, and get outta there before I go postal on some guy for dumping his coffee in the garbage can and leaving spilled milk on the counter. I have realized that getting angry at the fellow coffee consumer is not a good plan before getting on the 405 during morning rush hour.

By the time I get into work at 9 I have already had a full day, and my day has just begun. So when you want to know why I am in bed by 11 the VERY latest, it's because I know that it will start all over again in a few short hours.

I just realized

It has been so incredibly long since I have posted. I have been busy buying super cute bathing suits and sun dresses for my girls weekend. I have also been busy with my consulting company and on call to be super auntie for my sister in law who is about to have her second baby ANY SECOND NOW. And there is the regular job, the child, husband, bills, house cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry. All in all I have a lot to do on a regular basis. And with the coming events my life is either going to get a lot busier or a lot less busy-either way I will be SUPER EXCITED at the outcome of all of it! On that note I have to go finish packing up my office-we are moving next week to Beverly Hills-woo hoo! No more hike to Santa Monica everyday. I am SOOOO happy! More to come next week-I promise!

Getting all John Lennon on myself here!

I don't know why I am channeling John Lennon and I am sure this is a phase that will pass but in a way I hope not. I would like to imagine here for a minute that the world is a kind place. That the whole notion that it takes less energy to smile then it does to frown would somehow translate into it takes less energy to love than it does to hate. I am not going to get all political or religious but to just really imagine this makes me feel so happy.

I actually spent some time today writing short emails to some very important people in my life to let them know just how special they are to me. I know it is sort of corny and might make people feel uncomfortable for a moment but who doesn't want to know how special they are to someone? Maybe people don't want to know? I think that random kindness is more touching then grand gestures. I know for me when my husband does the dishes for me or cleans up without being asked that I am much happier than when I get a large floral arrangement or a gift of sorts.

I was reading a posting from a blog that I follow and it upset me deeply. The blogger was addressing her 'haters'. The people that leave her rude comments and tear her down for her success. She was basically telling them to suck it and if they don't like her so much then stop reading her blog. And I thought 'good for her'. Why do people feel the need to do that? Why do we love to tear people down? Why are we fascinated with Tiger Wood's affair or famous people's divorce or drug addiction? Are we such a sinister people that as soon as someone finds success we are there waiting for them to fail.

Guess what, we all fail, every day. It is not about the failure, it is about what you do with it. I might fail because I forget to pay a parking ticket and now it is double. Someone else might fail at their marriage, someone else at their job. And when those failures occur who is there in your life to pick you up and remind you that the failure is all part of the process? Do babies not fail when they are learning to hold a Cheerio in their hand for the first time, or take the first step. Do children not fail the first time up to bat, or crack under the pressure of a test?

As adults we are so quick to judge others for success and failure instead of celebrating all of it. What would the world be like with no tabloids? What would we do if we had actual news stations that reported news instead of turning everything into a circus? What would happen if you loved someone and you ACTUALLY told them for no reason at all? Would you hide under a rock after you told someone that they were special in your life for fear that you would have to face them after being vulnerable?

I cannot change the world, I can only be the change I would like to see. I can choose to raise my son to allow himself to be vulnerable and tell people what they mean to him. I will work on not judging others-which is work because I do judge. We all judge, but really we are judging ourselves. So much valuable time and energy is wasted everyday, I would like to imagine that it can all be used to make our world, our countries, our neighborhoods, and our homes a better place. I hope to do John proud!

Easter Miracle!

No, the miracle was not that my dinner party for 16 was a success! Although I was nervous and excited all at the same time to host my in-laws for Easter in our apartment. I was happy to find out that our apartment can hold 16 people comfortably. I was also happy to find out that I have amazing friends and neighbors who let me borrow chairs and tables to seat the 16 of us. Much to my surprise the 6 kids did not destroy my son's room or my house. The only casualty was the new soap dispenser I had just bought at Ikea on Friday. Like my husband says, "it's from Ikea, no need to be upset". This is true. I am sure I can afford another $7 to replace it. Plus any excuse I have to go back to Ikea is fine with me. I could get lost in that store for hours on end. Especially now that I know I can drop my son off in the play area for a whole hour and shop in peaceful bliss. It is one of those small but great perks in life.

I had a great time being the hostess with the mostest yesterday but I have to say the best part of my whole day was from 7:30 to 8am. I know I have talked about how much I love Dom coming into my bed to have a cuddle in the morning but for some reason yesterday morning was special. Dom crawled into bed and was sleeping in (double bonus points) to the right of me, Chloe was on my left followed by Ron and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. At that moment I realized that this is what my life is really about. The wonderful people and the wonderful moments are what make it all worth it. I know I keep saying that I have wonderful people in my life but I really do. I have the best of friends anyone can ask for. They are supportive and encouraging yet honest and challenge me to be a better person everyday. My family is amazing, even when they drive me nuts. And I know I am partial but I do have the most fabulous dog in the world!

I know it might seem like I am bragging but to me this is my slap in the face wake up call. I so often think about what it is that I want in life and where I want to be and I all too often forget about what I have and where I am right now. For some reason that 30 minutes in bed with my family, all asleep but me, brought me back to the present. Maybe if I believed in Easter miracles that would be mine! I will remember that feeling and use it to get back to that place when I find I am getting too far ahead of myself for my own good! Or when I feel inadequate or insecure.

I am still recovering from my hectic weekend, but treasure my awakening. Thank you Jebus for my Easter miracle.

Things aren't what they seem...

Whether it's Ricky Martin's sexual orientation or a really good knock off handbag. Sometimes things just aren't what they seem. I am in the midst of dealing with this smoke and mirrors issue with a project I am part of. I am not sure if I want to stay a part of the project or not. The 'thing' that is not what it seems is my partner. Someone whom I thought was a very nice down to earth person is actually turning out to be a super egoistic idiot who all of a sudden doesn't listen to anything I have to say. Not that I know everything, nor do I claim to, but some constructive criticism is always a good thing, I don't care who you are. I am just seeing a nasty side of him and it would not be a big deal if it were just a personality flaw but because it is effecting our business I think I might have to sever the ties. I don't want to but I am not sure I have a choice.

I almost want to ride it out for a little bit longer and see, but how much deeper into this do I want to go? How much of myself do I want to invest into making someone else a success? Not that I wouldn't be a success as well but on a different level. This is really his project that he brought me in to run. However he won't allow me to run it because he wants to control everything and make all of the decisions. Well, a lot of those decisions have cost us valuable relationships and we have not even full launched our business. These are just bad signs for me. I want to finish what I start and succeed but I think even the successful know when to walk away?

What to do, what to do? I don't know. For right now I think I will wait. Wait and see after I sleep on it, and release it to the universe. I think that the right answer will come my way!

Trust......

I know, I know....

So much for my post everyday. I will make it my goal this week to get on that. I have been super duper busy-but I am not hiding behind that excuse.

I do have things to tend to right now but I just wanted to post about my sense of feeling like a grown up. The last few weeks I have been super busy, but I've been busy doing grown up things.

For instance last weekend we painted our apartment and redecorated our bedroom. We also redecorated our son's room and got rid of baby stuff because he is a self proclaimed "big boy" now. Next step is a big boy bed-as much as Dom wants his big boy bed I am waiting just a tad bit longer. As long as he still sleeps with blankie I am holding on to my baby! (yes, I have become one of those moms) I felt very grown up about making paint choices and picking out new duvet covers. It is all very exciting. Then as the week progressed on I was focusing on my own business I was feeling very grown up, like such a career woman-how grown up of me.

I spent the later part of the week planning a baby shower for my sister in law and attending the shower this past Sunday. This was after a Friday date night/birthday party. A Saturday filled with running errands and then having our neighbors over for a small dinner party. And waking up very early Sunday morning to bake a homemade coconut cake for this shower!

We got a surprise phone call Saturday afternoon from my mother-in-law telling us that my entire in-law family (all 15 of them) will be heading down to California and have invited themselves to Easter dinner at our house. The irony is that we are not religious, in fact we boarder on agnostic, and we are hosting the Mormons for Easter! As my Mom says "at least you don't have to buy booze, that should keep your budget down"-so true Mom, thanks for that positive nudge! Again, hosting an entire family for a meal-a very grown up thing to do.

Is this what happens when you turn 30, you become a grown up? I heard that was the case but now that it is unfolding before my eyes I am truly enjoying this experience. I almost feel privileged to have these adult responsibilities. All the while still being a mom and a wife and reconnecting with my inner bad ass.

Well off to do expense reports and produce movie features and pick out killer appetizer recipes for my Easter fiesta!

Three days in a row-that's right bitches!

I am thoroughly enjoying my blogging. So much so that as things happen in my life I think "maybe I can blog about that?". I had to work a screening of The Runaways last night. The film is a version of the book Neon Angel by Cherie Currie. Did I love it-no, the acting was good the story was okay but I really think the directing was what killed it for me. I hate to say that because it was a female director and all but I just didn't like her style. I think the film will have a good opening weekend and then tank after that. We shall see if my predictions are true-I'll be sure to report back.

However in watching the film I couldn't help but think what a bad ass Joan Jett is/was. It sort of awakened my secret inner rock star bad ass. I think if I could have any job in the world it would be to be a rock star. I suppose I would have to be able to sing to accomplish that so it will never come to fruition for me.

It made me start to think about the inner rock star in all of us. While I want to be a successful career woman who has it all together I want to be able to kick your ass at the same time. I think that is why Sex and the City was such a successful show. We all have a little Charlotte, Samantha, Carrie, and Miranda in us. We all want to be sex kitten bad asses, yet classy girls, yet speak our mind, and have a fantastic shoe wardrobe-well at least I do! If for nothing else but my own adventure, I am going to let my inner rock star come out more often. I feel really good when I am a bad ass, a sassy pants, a firecracker, a sex kitten. I think that is the true me. The chick in leather pants and stilettos with ripped arms that can sing with a raspy voice and play guitar. Okay maybe that sounds like a lesbian-but you catch my drift. It's just another stone in my pond of clarity!

On that note, I have to go tune my guitar and hit the gym!

I fell

I did, I fell off the bed last night. I wish I could report that the fall were due to some amazing sex act or a new crazy sex position, but it was for no reason at all. I was having a tickle fight with Ron and Dom. Dom-yes my 3 year old son-kicked me in the stomach with both of his feet and I went flying back off the bed. It felt just like this!



The weight of my whole body landed on my right hip just above my butt. You would think that there is enough cushioning on my butt to soften the blow but I had to land just about the padding on the bony parts. Needless to say it was not fun. I was having shooting pains down my leg and up into my neck for the rest of the night. Luckily we had some Vicodin left from a previous injury. I popped one of those bad boys and was able to at least get to sleep. The pain has subsided today-luckily. All in all it was still a great tickle fight, next time I know not to take post so close to the end of the bed!

What am I doing????

I know, I have not posted since FRIDAY-5 days! What???? But the good news is that I didn't not post because I was lazy or felt depressed or sad. I didn't post because I was busy-good busy. Busy with work for my own company that I enjoy doing. I had a premiere on Thursday night and then Friday I worked like a crazy woman and went home to enjoy my family.

I did not open my computer AT ALL over the weekend because I was enjoy the gorgeous weather. I spent all day Saturday shopping with my girlfriend and helping her redecorate her condo. I had a blast and really enjoyed the fact that my husband was helping too because the secretly gay side of him is a great decorator. He really enjoys it too. So not only did I get to spend the day with my family, we shopped and ate and had some cocktails and enjoyed the beginning days of a Southern California spring.

Sunday was simply amazing. We changed the clocks forward for daylight savings time. Dom decided to sleep in until 10am. If he hadn't crawled into bed with me at 7:30a I might have woken up in a panic at 8am and rushed to his bedside to make sure he were still breathing. But since he had crawled into bed with me we had over 2 hours of snuggle time and I was just in absolute heaven (or Pandora-hehe). I got more sleep than I had gotten in years and I felt amazing when we got up. We spent most of the day outside and at the zoo with Dom. A little cleaning and laundry rounded out a wonderful weekend.

This week has proven to be a bit busy but again, good busy-my kind of busy with fun work that I am enjoying. I am feeling much better about things. I have a wonderful network that is making things easier to get through. Am I there yet-hell no. But I am on the path and I am aware, that in itself is such a beautiful thing. I am off to go sit in some splendid traffic with the windows down and the radio blasting-welcoming spring with open arms!

More to report tomorrow-FOR SURE!

Hands-not the Jewel song!

I'm not sure when this started but I realized while driving the other day that my hands look old. I keep priding myself on not really having any wrinkles or fine lines, especially since I used to be a smoker! Maybe that is why my hands are getting old, from smoking? Can that happen? Do I need to start a research project on the effects of smoking on your hands? Forget the lung cancer, prematurely aging hands is MAJOR.

I had seen an episode of Dr. 90210 once where someone had a hand lift and I thought that hey were nuts but now, I can totally understand. If I keep up at this rate I am going to need a hand lift at 35! I was prepared for the aging process to start but I wasn't expecting it to start popping up in random places. I have already had a child so I am fine with the sagging boobs and this little part of my tummy that no matter how many ab exercises I do still looks soft, but now my hands-COME ON!

I wondered if they made anti aging products for your hands and guess what THEY DO! For a mere $45 per tube I can get me some Dr. Robert Rey Sensual Solutions Anti Aging Hand Cream! What did our mothers do without Dr. Rey's fantastically expensive hand cream? Have old looking hands is what! Boy am I glad that I live in 2010!

Turning a page

After several months of some pretty heavy emotional stuff I have come to the conclusion that I am having a mid life crisis at 29 1/2. I think that means I will live to be 59 but who knows for sure! I have decided that I have no idea who I am, I have no idea what I like, and I have no idea how to find out who I am or what I like. I think I have written something similar before but that was before the awareness really sunk in.

After a week of crying and yelling and more crying and then a little more yelling I realized my biggest problem is that I am scared. I like to say "stuck" because it sounds prettier but really I am scared. Scared to try anything new for fear that I might not be good at it. Yes, please think to yourself how stupid I sound okay now think about if you forgot to turn the bathroom light off this morning, okay now back to me.

Part of my own therapy diagnosis to get past being scared is to just do stuff and not care if I am good or bad at it. I like writing on this blog even though I know only one person reads it-thanks follower I love you! I love you not just cause you read my blog. My follower also inspires me. Thank you for that! I want to write everyday, even if it is one line. I am going to make myself do it even when I can think of 1,001 reasons why I cant muster up the energy or time to write one line on my blog. I also really want to get my tattoo done. I have been so scared of the pain-yes I know the insanity again.

Okay so step one, blog and tattoo. OH and for the love of god, getting back to the gym-that one's more for my jeans than my identity crisis!

Stalled Cars

Just a quick note because I have been noticing this a lot lately. That would be the number of stalled cars on the freeway and even on surface streets. What is with the stalled cars? Are people running out of gas? Are they not fixing their cars so they are breaking down more often? I cannot figure it out but it is a HUGE pain in my ass. The traffic is bad enough on it's own without the help of Mr. Saturn in the third lane from the right broken down just before Sunset Blvd! Get your oil changes and repairs done, I mean is this really a sign of our times? Is the economy so bad that people are foregoing repair bills and normal maintenance on their vehicles because they simply cannot afford it? I can see how that would make sense but in the mean time please, if you feel your car starting to plunker out TRY-for the LOVE OF GOD-TRY and get to the breakdown lane. I wonder what goes through your mind as your car is tinkering out on the 405 in rush hour? Do you think, "I can probably make it" or "Who cares if I break down, I have AAA". None of those are good thoughts! The thoughts people should be thinking are "Oh My God, someone will pull out a 45 and shoot me on the freeway if I stall so I better get my ass to the breakdown lane AS FAST AS I CAN". Judging by the way people drive in general I could assume that they could care less if they hold up traffic even more so they don't bother to try and move over to the right and make it into the breakdown lane. That would require too much effort just like putting your blinker on to change lanes or make a turn. Seriously, why do they even bother to put blinkers in cars that are driven by Southern Californians, they are purely decorative. Okay, I am stopping myself there because I could seriously go on for another 5 paragraphs about the woes of driving in So Cal. But please people I beg you, take care of your damn cars, I don't know how much more of this I can take!

Cuddle Buddies and Wet Feet.....

It has been raining for six days straight here in Los Angeles. Now being from the Midwest I am more than used to rain but even back home, 6 days of straight rain is pretty unusual. Here in So Cal six days of rain has increased our suicide rate by 30%. People are walking around like mummies in a trance that took an Ambien but never fell asleep. Aimlessly wandering to work, to home, to the market all while sort of being not "really here". Maybe that explains all of the car accidents this week? The terrible tease is that the sun will pop out for like 15 minutes and the clouds break so you think "maybe it's all over" and then BOOM the dark clouds roll back in and it's pouring once again. Oh and hailing....and mini tornado's are touching down, picking up all of the small dogs that everyone bought 4 years ago. Needless to say we are in quite a frenzy here in Southern California.

All that aside, I have not felt the effects of the rain aside from some minor inconveniences like getting my feet wet while walking to my car. I feel pretty upbeat and present. My goal after all is to find "my happy: this year. I am not going to let a little bit of rain, or a lot of rain for that matter, stand in my way.

I will admit that getting out of bed in the morning has turned into a chore. Especially since my son has taken to a new habit of waking up around 5:30ish and coming into bed to "cuddle with mommy" for about an hour before we have to wake up for work and school. That hour is my favorite hour of the day. I have now begun to wake up around 5:30 awaiting his little footsteps down the hall into my room dragging his blankie behind him. He will face me and his warm little breath hits my face and I swear to God it is the best feeling in the world. Sometimes he will put his arm around me and I just melt. I could stay there all day, especially when I know that I am going to have to deal with wet feet and cold weather as soon as I step outside. I am definitely looking forward to this weekend when I can stay in bed late with my cuddle buddies and wake up to the sunshine (well I hope we get some sunshine)!

Lesson 1 for 2010

So far it seems that the universe (or whatever higher power you believe in, should you so believe in a higher power) has decided to give me a lesson and I am willing to take it. The lesson is patience. In every aspect of my life right now I am asked to be patient and I am not a patient person by any means. In fact I think I would categorically be the exact opposite of patient. I want everything yesterday and sometimes the day before. I thought that having a child would help me be patient but it didn't.

I have to be patient about my job and my very stressful and unstable work environment. Patient and hopeful that things will work themselves out in a positive way that doesn't end with me on unemployment with no insurance. I have to be patient about my side jobs that are taking so long to start up after the beginning of the year. I also noticed that my patients with my son are lacking severely. He is only 3 and at times I expect him to be 13 but without all the teenage crap that comes with 13 by GOD!

I was aware that I was very impatient with him but I wasn't doing anything to change it. I then had an "ah ha" moment. I was at home and had to jump on the computer to send something off for work. Dom loves to climb on my shoulders when I sit down at the computer and it REALLY annoys me and usually within 3 seconds of him starting to climb I freak out and yell at him to "get off my shoulders!"! Well for some reason this time I simply said "Dom, you are making mommy angry right now"! OH MY GOD do you know what he said?!?!?!? He said "Oh no Mommy, I don't want you to be angry I want you to be happy"! My darling little boy at 3 years old just wants his Mommy to be happy and you know what in that moment I was happier than I had been in YEARS! I simply replied back "well if you please get down off of my shoulders that would make me happy" and he did and gave me a HUGE hug! Patients, the lesson that the universe was forcing in my face brought me a moment of utopia that only I would know.

In that moment I was a changed person and I embraced my lesson and have put it into full practice. I have not raised my voice once with him or yelled at him (okay i know it's only been about a week) and I feel so much better. I am not stressing about my work mess and my other income taking longer to arrive. All of the chips will fall as they should and they will in their own time. So thank you universe for my first lesson of the year. I will make sure to stay present and accept any and all other lessons you should throw my way!