A new me

I realize that my one follower that would keep up with my blog has probably decided that I had forgotten about it but here I am. Back and better than ever! Oddly enough I have to write everyday now for work. I have an amazing new job and writing is a big part of it. I am producing a radio show, a syndicated radio show. I didn't think I could see myself getting back into radio but I realize that was not looking at the big picture. I guess I should backtrack here. At the end of June I had a mini breakdown and realized that while I had not had much direction in my life I suddenly became burdened with the fact that I was mere days away from turning 30 and not only hating my job but the reality that I had been completely taken advantage of for 5 years washed over me like a wave, completely taking my breath away. I cried and sulked and then got angry and then unbelievably motivated. All of those emotions in a matter of about an hour. I had felt similar to this before but never as strong and never as sure. I had a renewed sense of confidence I had also somehow lost along the way. My 30th birthday came along and while I didn't plan the big hoopla I had an amazing birthday week! I realized that there were a handful of super amazing strong people in my life and a sense of gratitude surpassed any hesitation about moving forward. I felt the old Midge stirring inside me like a chick ready to crack it's way out of the egg. As if I just knew that things were going to be okay. I went back home shortly after my birthday and my family threw a surprise party for me and it made me feel so loved. That was followed by a week with my family and while that can be bumpy I came at it with such different perspective that it was just solidifying my feelings of change and progress. On my last day back home I got a message from a dear friend that he had a job for me. What!?!?!?!? A job? The one thing I had been yearning for-was it for real? I tried not to get too excited but something in me said "this is it". It was a job to produce a radio show, a national radio show. Big deal stuff. I of course had those mini moments of OMG can I do this? But those were quickly followed with "even if you can't right now you will figure it out!" I went through interview after interview and then the call came-the offer was made and gladly accepted. At that moment I realized that I would have taken the job even if it had paid half of what I had been making! It was not about the money, for the first time in years it was about me,about what I wanted, about what sparked the fire in me. I felt alive and my god what an amazing feeling that is. I just completed my first week and I don't feel like I am at work. I'm sure that it won't all be wine and roses but boy I'll settle for tulips and Pellegrino! Looking forward to week 2 and promise to keep writing!

Committed

I have noticed that people here in L.A. are very committed to their "things". When you see joggers they are in full marathon gear, with those funny water bottle fanny pack things and everything. Same thing with people on their bicycles. They have those funny bike shoes with the full on spandex bike gear. Of course they are wearing a helmet and fingerless gloves, probably the Lance Armstrong ones. I assume he has his own line of bike gear, maybe?

I used to be a professional dancer and I had an entire bag full of dance shoes. Not just a few but several pairs of each kind-ballet, jazz, tap, pointe- and tons of leg warming-body warming articles of clothing, and of course mega size containers of Tiger Balm. No dance bag was complete without Tiger Balm and plenty of Ace bandages and wraps. They made special bags for those shoes, bandages, balms, and clothes but none of them came with odor control mechanisms in them-that would be a great invention for any sports/dance bag. You would have to replace your bag frequently for it would smell like nasty dirty feet after a few months. For some reason dancers don't mind that smell-maybe because we all smelled funky most of the time.

Since my tenure as a dancer I have not been committed to anything in the same way. I have some workout clothes and a single pair of Nike's that I have had for about 6 years now. I work out on occasion and when I do I usually throw on whatever is comfy and hit the pavement for a run or pop in my 'at home pilates' dvd and get all bendy. I just wish I could be one of those people that has a standing date with their Yoga class who carry their Yoga mat with them everywhere. Or someone who gets amp'd up by spending the day at Color Me Mine making a bowl. I get excited about work and making cupcakes for my son's classroom for his birthday celebration.

I am still seeking something that will make me go "OMG, I am so committed to this" or "Wow, I am invigorated by this and I can't wait to do it again" I am sure that will happen one of these days. Until then I will enjoy the simple joys I have in my life and keep moving forward!

One moment

Do you ever stop to think about the fact that one moment can change your entire life. In one moment something amazing or horrifying can happen to you to change your life and possibly the lives of those around you. In one moment you can get hit by a bus and die or be paralyzed forever. In one moment you can win the lottery and never ever have to worry about money again. In one moment you can meet someone who will forever change the course of your life. In one moment your child is born and you know what love truly feels like. In one moment we will watch someone we love take their last breath. In one moment you will get a new job or loose an old one. In one moment you had your first kiss, and in one moment you will have your last first kiss. In one moment we watch the children in our lives grow to be adults. Each milestone in our lives is marked by a single moment. I vow to treasure each moment for who knows when it will be a momentous one.

My morning

Not that today was any different from most of my mornings but for some reason today I thought to blog about it. I signed up for mobile blogging but still have not figured out how to do it. Maybe that is better because then I would be blogging on my way to and from work and since I live in Los Angeles that means in the car-no bueno. So here I am at lunch time blogging about my morning/mornings.

My morning usually starts between 3:30 and 4am. This is ever since my son decided to come into bed with me and cuddle around that time. I really wish that I could let him stay in bed with me but I just cannot. He takes over my whole pillow and he is so hot to sleep next to. Being in between him and my husband is like being the cheddar on a grilled cheese sandwich-I am not ready to be melty at 4am. So I usually let him stay for 5 minutes and then carry him back to bed, tuck him in, and look at him adoringly as I just love him so much. I then typically have to pee. In my still half a sleep haze I shuffle back to bed and pass out until around 6 when my trusty BlackBerry alarm blazes next to me. I then snooze for as long as I can until I get yet another visit from Dom. This time it is usually asking me to put on his cartoons and/or make him some cereal. My God I cannot wait for the day he can do this for himself-is that asking too much? Sometimes I poke my husband to attempt this feat but it doesn't usually end well so I just do it. Follow that with the normal getting ready process, make lunches for everyone, fight with Dom to get dressed, brush his teeth, and get out the door for school/work. Drop Dom off at school and then hit up the coffee shop.

The coffee shop is always an amazement to me. The whole process of fixing ones coffee can be so annoying to me and I don't know why! Part of it is because I wonder why it takes people so long to put in some cream and sugar. It is almost as if this is the first time they are ever making a cup of coffee. It also bugs me when people dump the coffee in the garbage can-STOP DOING THAT! Seriously just ask the barista to "leave room for cream" it is not hard! It also bugs me that people will spill the cream or sugar and just leave it. WTF, clean up after yourself. After many a day of getting upset with the locals at the coffee shop I have learned I just have to go in, get my coffee, add my Splenda, and get outta there before I go postal on some guy for dumping his coffee in the garbage can and leaving spilled milk on the counter. I have realized that getting angry at the fellow coffee consumer is not a good plan before getting on the 405 during morning rush hour.

By the time I get into work at 9 I have already had a full day, and my day has just begun. So when you want to know why I am in bed by 11 the VERY latest, it's because I know that it will start all over again in a few short hours.

I just realized

It has been so incredibly long since I have posted. I have been busy buying super cute bathing suits and sun dresses for my girls weekend. I have also been busy with my consulting company and on call to be super auntie for my sister in law who is about to have her second baby ANY SECOND NOW. And there is the regular job, the child, husband, bills, house cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry. All in all I have a lot to do on a regular basis. And with the coming events my life is either going to get a lot busier or a lot less busy-either way I will be SUPER EXCITED at the outcome of all of it! On that note I have to go finish packing up my office-we are moving next week to Beverly Hills-woo hoo! No more hike to Santa Monica everyday. I am SOOOO happy! More to come next week-I promise!

Getting all John Lennon on myself here!

I don't know why I am channeling John Lennon and I am sure this is a phase that will pass but in a way I hope not. I would like to imagine here for a minute that the world is a kind place. That the whole notion that it takes less energy to smile then it does to frown would somehow translate into it takes less energy to love than it does to hate. I am not going to get all political or religious but to just really imagine this makes me feel so happy.

I actually spent some time today writing short emails to some very important people in my life to let them know just how special they are to me. I know it is sort of corny and might make people feel uncomfortable for a moment but who doesn't want to know how special they are to someone? Maybe people don't want to know? I think that random kindness is more touching then grand gestures. I know for me when my husband does the dishes for me or cleans up without being asked that I am much happier than when I get a large floral arrangement or a gift of sorts.

I was reading a posting from a blog that I follow and it upset me deeply. The blogger was addressing her 'haters'. The people that leave her rude comments and tear her down for her success. She was basically telling them to suck it and if they don't like her so much then stop reading her blog. And I thought 'good for her'. Why do people feel the need to do that? Why do we love to tear people down? Why are we fascinated with Tiger Wood's affair or famous people's divorce or drug addiction? Are we such a sinister people that as soon as someone finds success we are there waiting for them to fail.

Guess what, we all fail, every day. It is not about the failure, it is about what you do with it. I might fail because I forget to pay a parking ticket and now it is double. Someone else might fail at their marriage, someone else at their job. And when those failures occur who is there in your life to pick you up and remind you that the failure is all part of the process? Do babies not fail when they are learning to hold a Cheerio in their hand for the first time, or take the first step. Do children not fail the first time up to bat, or crack under the pressure of a test?

As adults we are so quick to judge others for success and failure instead of celebrating all of it. What would the world be like with no tabloids? What would we do if we had actual news stations that reported news instead of turning everything into a circus? What would happen if you loved someone and you ACTUALLY told them for no reason at all? Would you hide under a rock after you told someone that they were special in your life for fear that you would have to face them after being vulnerable?

I cannot change the world, I can only be the change I would like to see. I can choose to raise my son to allow himself to be vulnerable and tell people what they mean to him. I will work on not judging others-which is work because I do judge. We all judge, but really we are judging ourselves. So much valuable time and energy is wasted everyday, I would like to imagine that it can all be used to make our world, our countries, our neighborhoods, and our homes a better place. I hope to do John proud!

Easter Miracle!

No, the miracle was not that my dinner party for 16 was a success! Although I was nervous and excited all at the same time to host my in-laws for Easter in our apartment. I was happy to find out that our apartment can hold 16 people comfortably. I was also happy to find out that I have amazing friends and neighbors who let me borrow chairs and tables to seat the 16 of us. Much to my surprise the 6 kids did not destroy my son's room or my house. The only casualty was the new soap dispenser I had just bought at Ikea on Friday. Like my husband says, "it's from Ikea, no need to be upset". This is true. I am sure I can afford another $7 to replace it. Plus any excuse I have to go back to Ikea is fine with me. I could get lost in that store for hours on end. Especially now that I know I can drop my son off in the play area for a whole hour and shop in peaceful bliss. It is one of those small but great perks in life.

I had a great time being the hostess with the mostest yesterday but I have to say the best part of my whole day was from 7:30 to 8am. I know I have talked about how much I love Dom coming into my bed to have a cuddle in the morning but for some reason yesterday morning was special. Dom crawled into bed and was sleeping in (double bonus points) to the right of me, Chloe was on my left followed by Ron and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. At that moment I realized that this is what my life is really about. The wonderful people and the wonderful moments are what make it all worth it. I know I keep saying that I have wonderful people in my life but I really do. I have the best of friends anyone can ask for. They are supportive and encouraging yet honest and challenge me to be a better person everyday. My family is amazing, even when they drive me nuts. And I know I am partial but I do have the most fabulous dog in the world!

I know it might seem like I am bragging but to me this is my slap in the face wake up call. I so often think about what it is that I want in life and where I want to be and I all too often forget about what I have and where I am right now. For some reason that 30 minutes in bed with my family, all asleep but me, brought me back to the present. Maybe if I believed in Easter miracles that would be mine! I will remember that feeling and use it to get back to that place when I find I am getting too far ahead of myself for my own good! Or when I feel inadequate or insecure.

I am still recovering from my hectic weekend, but treasure my awakening. Thank you Jebus for my Easter miracle.