Turkey, Stuffing, and Xanax Please!

What is it about the holidays that makes everyone go Co Co Cacho? Maybe it isn't everyone maybe it's just the people I know, or maybe it's me? Maybe I am the crazy one? No, that can't be it!

I understand the whole Thanksgiving feast as it is a part of our American heritage, but did the Pilgrams worry about Black Friday? Were the Indians obsessed with 50 different mashed potato recipes and what kind of stuffing to make and the age old question, to stuff the bird or not? My head spins just thinking about this.

This happens to be the first year that I am hosting Thanksgiving dinner. I live in L.A. and our family is in Chicago and Utah so luckily for us we don't usually have to deal with family drama and stuffing birds at Thanksgiving. We usually choose not to travel at Thanksgiving and just make a dinner for ourselves. We typically do a traditional dinner but it just seems so much more relaxed and casual when it is just the three of us. This year we have a new tradition, well we will see if it becomes a tradition or not.

It all started a year ago when my dad was very sick. He had a long battle with lung cancer and then developed pulmonary fibrosis which took his life. He was admitted to the hospital one year ago today and his battle ended on the 28th, the day after Thanksgiving. Giving the term Black Friday a whole new meaning to our family. From that day on nothing in our lives would ever be the same. Including our relationship with our mother.

This year my mom and my sister are coming out West for Thanksgiving in hopes of starting a new tradition. They have not even arrived yet and already the anxiety has crept up in me like a little worm eating its way through my skin. (I do have a supply of Xanax from my Dad, he knew he had to leave me something!) I should be able to survive on Xanax and decent amounts of alcohol, it's only 5 days right? I am going to put out a lovely feast and stuff my face with potatoes, down that with Blissini's and top it all off with molten lava cakes. I will make a delightful bird-stuffed as I like it- and not worry about what anyone else thinks! I am just going to think positive thoughts and take lots of deep breaths!

I have come to realize that the holidays are all about surviving your family and if you can do that and come out alive, you are just a better person in the end! I took that line from my therapist who yes, I will be seeing this Saturday!

Gobble Gobble!

The ladies room is for making potty....

Okay, now I know that no one wants to hear about my poop but too bad. Before you click off I am not talking about describing it, I am just talking about the actual act of doing it.

Sometimes I have to poop at work, in a public toilet where there are other people coming in and out. I know, you have been there too right, so frustrating! (How I only wish we had a onsie but we don't, we have a three-sie.) There are only a handful of women on our floor so it is not usually a big deal. Now I know that men don't seem to care about pooping in front of other men but women don't do that. We like to make our poop in privacy so ladies HAVE SOME RESPECT! It is like an unwritten rule that if you see someone go into a stall and there is no noise or anything for a few minutes they probably want to poop so GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM and let them make their poop in peace.

If you are washing your hands, fine, then make it snappy and move on. But please do not put on your make up, talk on the phone, brush your teeth, or anything extraneous from number one or number two in the bathroom.

Put your make up on at home where you are supposed to! You don't need to brush your teeth in the middle of the day. It is shown by the ADA that you only need to brush and floss twice daily, morning and night! Stop brushing your teeth at work!!!!! I don't want to see someone else's toothpaste foam in the sink it's just gross! Carry some gum for Pete's Sake!

Okay, I will stop....but please ladies I beg of you, have some respect for your fellow woman and give her the same privacy that you would want when making a poop. After all, one day you might need to take a big poo poo and you want to do it in peace!

What is a Midge?

Midge is a nickname given to me by a former co-worker. I believe that the name was intended as a short form of Midget since I am very short. I am not technically a 'midget', I am 4'10" tall but I think I make the cut off by just an inch or two. I was curious to know if there was a such thing as a "midge" and guess what there is! It's not nearly as glamorous as I am though!

This is what a 'real' Midge is

And this is what I am (I'm the one on the left with the dark hair)

Since this blog is A Tale of Midge, you will be experiencing life from 4'10" off the ground-Enjoy!