Whether it's Ricky Martin's sexual orientation or a really good knock off handbag. Sometimes things just aren't what they seem. I am in the midst of dealing with this smoke and mirrors issue with a project I am part of. I am not sure if I want to stay a part of the project or not. The 'thing' that is not what it seems is my partner. Someone whom I thought was a very nice down to earth person is actually turning out to be a super egoistic idiot who all of a sudden doesn't listen to anything I have to say. Not that I know everything, nor do I claim to, but some constructive criticism is always a good thing, I don't care who you are. I am just seeing a nasty side of him and it would not be a big deal if it were just a personality flaw but because it is effecting our business I think I might have to sever the ties. I don't want to but I am not sure I have a choice.
I almost want to ride it out for a little bit longer and see, but how much deeper into this do I want to go? How much of myself do I want to invest into making someone else a success? Not that I wouldn't be a success as well but on a different level. This is really his project that he brought me in to run. However he won't allow me to run it because he wants to control everything and make all of the decisions. Well, a lot of those decisions have cost us valuable relationships and we have not even full launched our business. These are just bad signs for me. I want to finish what I start and succeed but I think even the successful know when to walk away?
What to do, what to do? I don't know. For right now I think I will wait. Wait and see after I sleep on it, and release it to the universe. I think that the right answer will come my way!
Trust......
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
I know, I know....
So much for my post everyday. I will make it my goal this week to get on that. I have been super duper busy-but I am not hiding behind that excuse.
I do have things to tend to right now but I just wanted to post about my sense of feeling like a grown up. The last few weeks I have been super busy, but I've been busy doing grown up things.
For instance last weekend we painted our apartment and redecorated our bedroom. We also redecorated our son's room and got rid of baby stuff because he is a self proclaimed "big boy" now. Next step is a big boy bed-as much as Dom wants his big boy bed I am waiting just a tad bit longer. As long as he still sleeps with blankie I am holding on to my baby! (yes, I have become one of those moms) I felt very grown up about making paint choices and picking out new duvet covers. It is all very exciting. Then as the week progressed on I was focusing on my own business I was feeling very grown up, like such a career woman-how grown up of me.
I spent the later part of the week planning a baby shower for my sister in law and attending the shower this past Sunday. This was after a Friday date night/birthday party. A Saturday filled with running errands and then having our neighbors over for a small dinner party. And waking up very early Sunday morning to bake a homemade coconut cake for this shower!
We got a surprise phone call Saturday afternoon from my mother-in-law telling us that my entire in-law family (all 15 of them) will be heading down to California and have invited themselves to Easter dinner at our house. The irony is that we are not religious, in fact we boarder on agnostic, and we are hosting the Mormons for Easter! As my Mom says "at least you don't have to buy booze, that should keep your budget down"-so true Mom, thanks for that positive nudge! Again, hosting an entire family for a meal-a very grown up thing to do.
Is this what happens when you turn 30, you become a grown up? I heard that was the case but now that it is unfolding before my eyes I am truly enjoying this experience. I almost feel privileged to have these adult responsibilities. All the while still being a mom and a wife and reconnecting with my inner bad ass.
Well off to do expense reports and produce movie features and pick out killer appetizer recipes for my Easter fiesta!
I do have things to tend to right now but I just wanted to post about my sense of feeling like a grown up. The last few weeks I have been super busy, but I've been busy doing grown up things.
For instance last weekend we painted our apartment and redecorated our bedroom. We also redecorated our son's room and got rid of baby stuff because he is a self proclaimed "big boy" now. Next step is a big boy bed-as much as Dom wants his big boy bed I am waiting just a tad bit longer. As long as he still sleeps with blankie I am holding on to my baby! (yes, I have become one of those moms) I felt very grown up about making paint choices and picking out new duvet covers. It is all very exciting. Then as the week progressed on I was focusing on my own business I was feeling very grown up, like such a career woman-how grown up of me.
I spent the later part of the week planning a baby shower for my sister in law and attending the shower this past Sunday. This was after a Friday date night/birthday party. A Saturday filled with running errands and then having our neighbors over for a small dinner party. And waking up very early Sunday morning to bake a homemade coconut cake for this shower!
We got a surprise phone call Saturday afternoon from my mother-in-law telling us that my entire in-law family (all 15 of them) will be heading down to California and have invited themselves to Easter dinner at our house. The irony is that we are not religious, in fact we boarder on agnostic, and we are hosting the Mormons for Easter! As my Mom says "at least you don't have to buy booze, that should keep your budget down"-so true Mom, thanks for that positive nudge! Again, hosting an entire family for a meal-a very grown up thing to do.
Is this what happens when you turn 30, you become a grown up? I heard that was the case but now that it is unfolding before my eyes I am truly enjoying this experience. I almost feel privileged to have these adult responsibilities. All the while still being a mom and a wife and reconnecting with my inner bad ass.
Well off to do expense reports and produce movie features and pick out killer appetizer recipes for my Easter fiesta!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Three days in a row-that's right bitches!
I am thoroughly enjoying my blogging. So much so that as things happen in my life I think "maybe I can blog about that?". I had to work a screening of The Runaways last night. The film is a version of the book Neon Angel by Cherie Currie. Did I love it-no, the acting was good the story was okay but I really think the directing was what killed it for me. I hate to say that because it was a female director and all but I just didn't like her style. I think the film will have a good opening weekend and then tank after that. We shall see if my predictions are true-I'll be sure to report back.
However in watching the film I couldn't help but think what a bad ass Joan Jett is/was. It sort of awakened my secret inner rock star bad ass. I think if I could have any job in the world it would be to be a rock star. I suppose I would have to be able to sing to accomplish that so it will never come to fruition for me.
It made me start to think about the inner rock star in all of us. While I want to be a successful career woman who has it all together I want to be able to kick your ass at the same time. I think that is why Sex and the City was such a successful show. We all have a little Charlotte, Samantha, Carrie, and Miranda in us. We all want to be sex kitten bad asses, yet classy girls, yet speak our mind, and have a fantastic shoe wardrobe-well at least I do! If for nothing else but my own adventure, I am going to let my inner rock star come out more often. I feel really good when I am a bad ass, a sassy pants, a firecracker, a sex kitten. I think that is the true me. The chick in leather pants and stilettos with ripped arms that can sing with a raspy voice and play guitar. Okay maybe that sounds like a lesbian-but you catch my drift. It's just another stone in my pond of clarity!
On that note, I have to go tune my guitar and hit the gym!
However in watching the film I couldn't help but think what a bad ass Joan Jett is/was. It sort of awakened my secret inner rock star bad ass. I think if I could have any job in the world it would be to be a rock star. I suppose I would have to be able to sing to accomplish that so it will never come to fruition for me.
It made me start to think about the inner rock star in all of us. While I want to be a successful career woman who has it all together I want to be able to kick your ass at the same time. I think that is why Sex and the City was such a successful show. We all have a little Charlotte, Samantha, Carrie, and Miranda in us. We all want to be sex kitten bad asses, yet classy girls, yet speak our mind, and have a fantastic shoe wardrobe-well at least I do! If for nothing else but my own adventure, I am going to let my inner rock star come out more often. I feel really good when I am a bad ass, a sassy pants, a firecracker, a sex kitten. I think that is the true me. The chick in leather pants and stilettos with ripped arms that can sing with a raspy voice and play guitar. Okay maybe that sounds like a lesbian-but you catch my drift. It's just another stone in my pond of clarity!
On that note, I have to go tune my guitar and hit the gym!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I fell
I did, I fell off the bed last night. I wish I could report that the fall were due to some amazing sex act or a new crazy sex position, but it was for no reason at all. I was having a tickle fight with Ron and Dom. Dom-yes my 3 year old son-kicked me in the stomach with both of his feet and I went flying back off the bed. It felt just like this!
The weight of my whole body landed on my right hip just above my butt. You would think that there is enough cushioning on my butt to soften the blow but I had to land just about the padding on the bony parts. Needless to say it was not fun. I was having shooting pains down my leg and up into my neck for the rest of the night. Luckily we had some Vicodin left from a previous injury. I popped one of those bad boys and was able to at least get to sleep. The pain has subsided today-luckily. All in all it was still a great tickle fight, next time I know not to take post so close to the end of the bed!
The weight of my whole body landed on my right hip just above my butt. You would think that there is enough cushioning on my butt to soften the blow but I had to land just about the padding on the bony parts. Needless to say it was not fun. I was having shooting pains down my leg and up into my neck for the rest of the night. Luckily we had some Vicodin left from a previous injury. I popped one of those bad boys and was able to at least get to sleep. The pain has subsided today-luckily. All in all it was still a great tickle fight, next time I know not to take post so close to the end of the bed!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
What am I doing????
I know, I have not posted since FRIDAY-5 days! What???? But the good news is that I didn't not post because I was lazy or felt depressed or sad. I didn't post because I was busy-good busy. Busy with work for my own company that I enjoy doing. I had a premiere on Thursday night and then Friday I worked like a crazy woman and went home to enjoy my family.
I did not open my computer AT ALL over the weekend because I was enjoy the gorgeous weather. I spent all day Saturday shopping with my girlfriend and helping her redecorate her condo. I had a blast and really enjoyed the fact that my husband was helping too because the secretly gay side of him is a great decorator. He really enjoys it too. So not only did I get to spend the day with my family, we shopped and ate and had some cocktails and enjoyed the beginning days of a Southern California spring.
Sunday was simply amazing. We changed the clocks forward for daylight savings time. Dom decided to sleep in until 10am. If he hadn't crawled into bed with me at 7:30a I might have woken up in a panic at 8am and rushed to his bedside to make sure he were still breathing. But since he had crawled into bed with me we had over 2 hours of snuggle time and I was just in absolute heaven (or Pandora-hehe). I got more sleep than I had gotten in years and I felt amazing when we got up. We spent most of the day outside and at the zoo with Dom. A little cleaning and laundry rounded out a wonderful weekend.
This week has proven to be a bit busy but again, good busy-my kind of busy with fun work that I am enjoying. I am feeling much better about things. I have a wonderful network that is making things easier to get through. Am I there yet-hell no. But I am on the path and I am aware, that in itself is such a beautiful thing. I am off to go sit in some splendid traffic with the windows down and the radio blasting-welcoming spring with open arms!
More to report tomorrow-FOR SURE!
I did not open my computer AT ALL over the weekend because I was enjoy the gorgeous weather. I spent all day Saturday shopping with my girlfriend and helping her redecorate her condo. I had a blast and really enjoyed the fact that my husband was helping too because the secretly gay side of him is a great decorator. He really enjoys it too. So not only did I get to spend the day with my family, we shopped and ate and had some cocktails and enjoyed the beginning days of a Southern California spring.
Sunday was simply amazing. We changed the clocks forward for daylight savings time. Dom decided to sleep in until 10am. If he hadn't crawled into bed with me at 7:30a I might have woken up in a panic at 8am and rushed to his bedside to make sure he were still breathing. But since he had crawled into bed with me we had over 2 hours of snuggle time and I was just in absolute heaven (or Pandora-hehe). I got more sleep than I had gotten in years and I felt amazing when we got up. We spent most of the day outside and at the zoo with Dom. A little cleaning and laundry rounded out a wonderful weekend.
This week has proven to be a bit busy but again, good busy-my kind of busy with fun work that I am enjoying. I am feeling much better about things. I have a wonderful network that is making things easier to get through. Am I there yet-hell no. But I am on the path and I am aware, that in itself is such a beautiful thing. I am off to go sit in some splendid traffic with the windows down and the radio blasting-welcoming spring with open arms!
More to report tomorrow-FOR SURE!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Hands-not the Jewel song!
I'm not sure when this started but I realized while driving the other day that my hands look old. I keep priding myself on not really having any wrinkles or fine lines, especially since I used to be a smoker! Maybe that is why my hands are getting old, from smoking? Can that happen? Do I need to start a research project on the effects of smoking on your hands? Forget the lung cancer, prematurely aging hands is MAJOR.
I had seen an episode of Dr. 90210 once where someone had a hand lift and I thought that hey were nuts but now, I can totally understand. If I keep up at this rate I am going to need a hand lift at 35! I was prepared for the aging process to start but I wasn't expecting it to start popping up in random places. I have already had a child so I am fine with the sagging boobs and this little part of my tummy that no matter how many ab exercises I do still looks soft, but now my hands-COME ON!
I wondered if they made anti aging products for your hands and guess what THEY DO! For a mere $45 per tube I can get me some Dr. Robert Rey Sensual Solutions Anti Aging Hand Cream! What did our mothers do without Dr. Rey's fantastically expensive hand cream? Have old looking hands is what! Boy am I glad that I live in 2010!
I had seen an episode of Dr. 90210 once where someone had a hand lift and I thought that hey were nuts but now, I can totally understand. If I keep up at this rate I am going to need a hand lift at 35! I was prepared for the aging process to start but I wasn't expecting it to start popping up in random places. I have already had a child so I am fine with the sagging boobs and this little part of my tummy that no matter how many ab exercises I do still looks soft, but now my hands-COME ON!
I wondered if they made anti aging products for your hands and guess what THEY DO! For a mere $45 per tube I can get me some Dr. Robert Rey Sensual Solutions Anti Aging Hand Cream! What did our mothers do without Dr. Rey's fantastically expensive hand cream? Have old looking hands is what! Boy am I glad that I live in 2010!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Turning a page
After several months of some pretty heavy emotional stuff I have come to the conclusion that I am having a mid life crisis at 29 1/2. I think that means I will live to be 59 but who knows for sure! I have decided that I have no idea who I am, I have no idea what I like, and I have no idea how to find out who I am or what I like. I think I have written something similar before but that was before the awareness really sunk in.
After a week of crying and yelling and more crying and then a little more yelling I realized my biggest problem is that I am scared. I like to say "stuck" because it sounds prettier but really I am scared. Scared to try anything new for fear that I might not be good at it. Yes, please think to yourself how stupid I sound okay now think about if you forgot to turn the bathroom light off this morning, okay now back to me.
Part of my own therapy diagnosis to get past being scared is to just do stuff and not care if I am good or bad at it. I like writing on this blog even though I know only one person reads it-thanks follower I love you! I love you not just cause you read my blog. My follower also inspires me. Thank you for that! I want to write everyday, even if it is one line. I am going to make myself do it even when I can think of 1,001 reasons why I cant muster up the energy or time to write one line on my blog. I also really want to get my tattoo done. I have been so scared of the pain-yes I know the insanity again.
Okay so step one, blog and tattoo. OH and for the love of god, getting back to the gym-that one's more for my jeans than my identity crisis!
After a week of crying and yelling and more crying and then a little more yelling I realized my biggest problem is that I am scared. I like to say "stuck" because it sounds prettier but really I am scared. Scared to try anything new for fear that I might not be good at it. Yes, please think to yourself how stupid I sound okay now think about if you forgot to turn the bathroom light off this morning, okay now back to me.
Part of my own therapy diagnosis to get past being scared is to just do stuff and not care if I am good or bad at it. I like writing on this blog even though I know only one person reads it-thanks follower I love you! I love you not just cause you read my blog. My follower also inspires me. Thank you for that! I want to write everyday, even if it is one line. I am going to make myself do it even when I can think of 1,001 reasons why I cant muster up the energy or time to write one line on my blog. I also really want to get my tattoo done. I have been so scared of the pain-yes I know the insanity again.
Okay so step one, blog and tattoo. OH and for the love of god, getting back to the gym-that one's more for my jeans than my identity crisis!
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